Something was very wrong, and I knew it.

So, I'm a little late in the game (3 months late) but I've decided to blog about my journey as a first time mother of a preemie baby. But lets be honest here, can you blame me for being a little behind?

Living life in the NICU is the farthest thing from freedom and I don't have as much as 5 minutes on my hands between working 40 hours a week, driving an hour and 15 minutes everyday, and finding time to feed my husband and two cats. So why in heavens am I writing a blog? I DON'T KNOW. Just kidding! Now that things have settled down in our lives I thought that now would be a good time to share the absolute rawness of this experience. Believe me, people are curious. And I mean that in the most non sarcastic way. Strangers care, people wanna know how you're handling it, and they love hearing updates on him. As to why we started a Facebook page as soon as our little boy was born. It helped us keep family, friends, co-workers and absolute strangers updated. Because it got sickening REAL FAST trying to call 100 people a day and repeating the same crap over and over. And it turned out even better than we had thought. It has over 1,400 'likes' and they keep coming! Now would be a good time for me to say Thank You! :)

Here's the page if you'd like to check it out: Jett's Fighter Pilots


 A lot of people wonder how a baby becomes a premature one. Most don't understand how it starts and often ask as if it were a personal choice to give birth so early. UM, no.

I found out I was pregnant in late September and was told during my first few prenatal appointments I was having a happy, healthy baby. Everything was going as planned and there were zero problems. I had my appointments once a month and of course, like every first time momma, I called the nurse a few times a week frantically explaining how my belly button turned brown (yes, it really did lol) or how I never sleep at night because I wake up to pee about every 2 hours.
IS THIS NORMAL?
ARE YOU SURE ITS NORMAL?
I HAVEN'T POOPED IN THREE DAYS! (yes, that's normal too I guess)
Let me just get this out there now, pregnancy does some really weird crap to your body. And I'm sure my husband thought that his once gorgeous wife is now turning into an alien. Funny story-around the same time I got pregnant, we also adopted a kitten from our Human Society. Well this cute little girl had some serious butt problems (lucky us) and would let these awful farts out and sometimes even liquid-y turds would follow (I did warn you about my grossly honest life). As I said before, pregnancy screws with you, and some things would be to your advantage, others not so much. For instance, my superhuman sense of smell. All of a sudden I could smell EVERYTHING. I smelled the neighbors BO when he came home from work or my favorite breadsticks from Olive Garden (we live no where near an Olive Garden).
Anyways, this kitten was obviously old enough to feel shameful because that little shit would hide in places I never knew existed and fart her heart out. One evening my hubby and I almost tore our home apart after we couldn't get rid of the awful poopy stench. Well thank the heavens you knocked me up because I was able to sniff out a turd hidden behind our couch. Yes, proud momma moment, I know. (My husband still proudly smiles at me when we speak of it lol). One of the many advantages of being pregnant. Thanks honey!

Anyways~
Months and months go by and I've finally reached my 7th month of pregnancy. Just barely, it was my first week in my 3rd trimester and I was 27weeks 7days. I had been working a lot this week, rearranging our home, and preparing our spare bedroom as a nursery. I felt great though! My morning sickness was long gone, I was sleeping a full 7-8 hours, eating everything in site and staying hydrated. I loved being pregnant and enjoyed all the compliments (as every momma should). I had been working second shift the night I thought that something was weird. I felt sorta off, and I noticed a decrease in baby kicks. I swore that I was just overreacting and being the hypochondriac that I am. A friend of mine, who was a few weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy had persuaded me to go in and get checked out. It took lots of persuasion by the way, in fear I was just being over cautious and didn't want to embarrass myself at the clinic. I promised I would go in the next morning since it was my first day off in a few weeks. That following morning, I slept in, late. Like 11:30am late. I never sleep in that late! I woke up feeling groggy with no desire to step out of bed. But I knew, I needed to see a doctor as I still wasn't feeling my little guy move around. It had been almost three days since I last felt him move (I know, I waited too long-bad momma moment). I threw on some sweats and hopped in the car and showed up to my unscheduled prenatal appointment while my husband was still at work (This is bringing on some serious chills as I back tract to three months ago).
I waited in that waiting room for what felt like 45 minutes, but was only 15. I was feeling some intense back pains and felt lightheaded. I changed my focus and tried to read posters on the wall and a sign I clearly couldn't comprehend. I could feel my body go into a presence I've never felt before. I was reading this sign over and over again in my head, but I just did understand it.
Please stand behind this sign to give other patients privacy, Thank You.
"....um, what the heck does that mean?" Why couldn't my brain comprehend a sentence but just 15 minutes ago I drove myself to this very spot? Something was very wrong, and I knew it.

Finally, I was in my little room waiting for the nurse to get in. She asked me a few questions about how I was feeling and what my concerns were. We listened to the heartbeat which was totally normal and nothing about my symptoms seemed to be out of ordinary. I needed to see my baby. I begged for an ultra sound because I am momma bear and I'll rip you a new one if I don't get to see my precious pea on a tv screen. TELL ME EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT. PROOVE IT. Unfortunately, my ultra sound tech was completely silent as I stared deeply into the black and white blob.
"Does everything look good? I'm probably overreacting but I just thought it was weird I couldn't feel him move. I'm sure he's fine, sorry for all the trouble." I waited for an answer, but all I could hear was the clicking of the keyboard and he measured my little dudes head circumference. I could feel my face turn red when he finally broke the silence, "I don't think your baby is very healthy anymore, excuse me, I need to speak with Dr. Cleveland." And he shut the door behind him, leaving me in tears and a tummy full of lube.

I could hear them speak unidentifiable words outside the door. The tech then entered the room after a brief discussion and helped clean up my belly. My doctor was speaking medical terms through a phone and pacing around the hall while a nurse walked me to a room with a big comfy recliner. They wrapped bands around my belly while they watched baby's heartbeat on receipt print off a computer. This is called a Non Stress Test(NST). It measures fetal heart rate, movements, and contractions. Obviously it was telling them things were not so well as the belt was ripped off my belly and I was yanked up out of my sitting position. My water bottle was taken from my hand and in turn was handed a few Kleenex's while the black tears from my lashes started uncontrollably flowing.
"Eva, I just got off the phone with a specialist, and you need to deliver your baby right now. Things do not look well with the baby and we feel very concerned for you and the baby's well-being. Are you able to drive?"
"What? Drive? Drive where? What's wrong with my baby? What's wrong with my well-being?" I threw at her a hundred other questions as I wiped my face with my sleeve.

"I need you to drive to the hospital, it's snowing and it will take 15 minutes for the ambulance to get here, and another 15 minutes for them to take you there. We don't have that kind of time. I need you to drive. I will meet you there and they will be ready for you when you get there. You need to deliver your baby because your lives are in serious danger."

So yes, I drove myself to the hospital in the start of a snow storm while having back contractions and not knowing if my baby that I've been growing for the past 7 months would survive. And yes, I remember all of our brief conversation. I remember those words flowing from her lips like I heard it this morning. I'll never forget it. And sure shit, they met me at the front desk with a wheelchair (which I refused to sit in) and escorted me to the labor and delivery floor where moments later my husband and mother also met me. A phone in one hand and a fist with the other, his face was white and full of tears. Just as confused and concerned as I, he put on a brave face and showed his wife how strong he could be.

I delivered our little Jett at 6:23pm February 12th, 2014 via emergency c-section. Two and a half months early and weighing in at just 1lb. 6.5oz. But he came out fighting, red, slimy and screaming. All of which, we were warned would not happen. Tears of joy, and tears of sadness. My husband looked down at me and squeezed my hand, and we prayed. Right there in the chaos of it all.

Here's to the start of new journey...